Thoughts
by Kuti
Summary: The questions she asked on that day: What if she died? Would life be better? Will he miss her? Will he not suffer like he did before? Will he really choose Aerith over her? What does Cloud think? A what-if story in a different context. Cloti/Post-ACC


**Final Fantasy Advent Children: Thoughts **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any Final Fantasy VII. It rightfully belongs to Square Enix. **_

_**Song on playlist that motivated me to write: Noboru Uematsu: Yakusoku no Chi ~the Promised Land~ from FF VII: Advent Children.**_

_**Just a little side note for you all before continuing on. There will be a bunch of broken scenes with a lot of brackets and three periods in different parts of the story. The brackets or that pretty gray line is a change in scene. The three periods are only placed in dream sequences. Hopefully this helps. Enjoy the story! ^_^  
**_

* * *

The sound of her scrubbing was the first thought that ran through Cloud Strife's mind as he gazed at the ceiling of his bedroom. His eyes held a dazed look as he reflected on that very thought. He could hear the running water, the dirty dishes in the sink, her wet, soapy hands that decided to stop when she stared off into the rainy night when he came home late. He expected her to greet her warmly with her usual smile he always looked forward to seeing after a hard day's work. Noting that she didn't notice him right away like she normally would, he decided to take the initiative to say hi. But, he stopped when he noted something different on her face. Her eyes were sadly gazing at the window, as if she was missing her favorite stars. In his mind, he interpreted this as worry. He thought he was in trouble again and wanted to apologize. It was then she turned to him, her eyes still glazed in that sadness that made him want to wipe it away.

Cloud winced at the memory. But, this wasn't the thing that bothered him. The next she did was what bothered him. She looked at him before turning her sad gaze to the ground and ask this question:

_"Do you think…life would better if Aerith didn't die? Do you think...you're life would better then?"_

Tifa was acting strange that time. He could feel it. He could read Tifa just as easily as she reads him. Something in the back of her mind bothered her to no end. He had a feeling she was meaning to ask him that. Why else would she bring a question like that out of the blue?

During his momentary confusion, she suddenly gasped, breaking her trance. "_I-I'm sorry. Must of dozed off there," _she immediately scoffed it off, hiding her sadness with her usually smile. Clearly, she did not mean to voice her mind out, but, her words definitely did run through his mind. The question continued to echo through him until the wee hours of the night. He laid on his bed, his arms above his head.

"_Tifa…what's bothering you?" _he thought. Before long, his eyes shut pleasantly, sleep beckoning him.

* * *

_The familiar smell of the ancient place suddenly filled Cloud's mind. He could remember how almost holy it smelt. He could feel the warmth of the place despite it being deserted for many centuries. Slowly, he opened his eyes to see that he was gazing at a beautiful, crystalline place that was pristine and peaceful, almost like heaven. The holy place brought out this ethereal glow that added its beauty. In front of him was an all too familiar scene of the altar in the middle of the crystal clear lake. On top of the altar was none other than a heart breaking image of Aerith Gainsborough, kneeled down peacefully in prayer. Her bright pink outfit brought color to this place. _

_He looked around him to find the gang standing closely beside him, just as they caught sight of Aerith on top of the altar. Why was his mind was thinking of such a painful memory? Was he brooding again? He wanted to stop the scene before. He tried to wake himself up from this dream. However, he couldn't get himself to wake and was forced to watch as the scene continued to unfold the heartbreaking event. _

_Something pulled on Cloud's mind. He could feel he was no longer himself. That something was trying to make him move. He knew the feeling all too well as he felt his arms lift his Buster Sword above his head, aiming the tip towards Aerith's body. He couldn't pull himself out of it. He couldn't control himself. _

_"Cloud!" That one voice broke the control. He immediately regained his body's control and knelt to the ground, placing the sword back on his back. It was right then Aerith slowly opened her eyes after her silent prayer, looking at Cloud and smiled at him. He knew what will come. He knew what will happen. He awaited for that scene. _

_Everything seemed to stop right then the moment a shadow passed in front of him. Every motion happening in that scene slowed down, as if the scene was trying to point out a very important fact to Cloud; a fact that would eventually halt his mind and heart. A scent so sweet whiffed closely in front of him. It was awfully familiar. Then, a memory of that scent struck his mind as his eyes focused on the shadow that passed in front of him. The shadow he was expecting of Sephiroth was not him._

**_…_**

_She was gazing out of the window. The water in the sink ran as she held a dish under the water, a soapy sponge on her dominant hand. She didn't bother to finish when he noted her body tensing after returning home from his deliveries. A sad smile passed her features as she looked at him with that haunting look in her red-brown eyes._

_**...**  
_

_**"Do you think it may be better if Aerith was still alive?"**_

**_…_**

_Cloud's eyes widened as he watched Tifa passed in front of him, jumping from the place she was at as she launched herself toward Aerith._

**_…_**

_She averted her eyes to the ground, fiddling with her hands after she dried them off. _

**_...  
_**

_**"Do you think your life would be better then?"**_

**_…_**

_The sharp, long apparatus of Sephiroth's Masamune passed easily through her heart. The young Cetra, who witnessed this behind Tifa's body, watched in horror of her friend's fate, bringing her one step closer to death's door at such a promising age._

_Cloud could only remain in his place in shock. "No…"_

**_…_**

_Her side-swiped bangs that always blocked her eye wistfully settled itself on top of Tifa's eyes, hiding her profile features from Cloud. He could see her biting the bottom of her lip. She looked vulnerable then._

_**"Would you miss me as much as you miss her?"**_

**_…_**

_"No!!"_

_Cloud watched in horror as Sephiroth slid the sword out of Tifa's weak body. Slowly, her body began to tumble down lifelessly._

**_…_**

_**"Would you're life be better…if I weren't around?" **_

**_…_**

_Cloud ran to her form and grabbed her before she hit the floor. He kneeled to his knees as he lowered her body to lie on his lap, holding onto her fervently in his arms. "Tifa!" cried Cloud._

_"Tifa!" _

_Her face remained peaceful, even from the pleas of a young man whose heart was slowly breaking. _

**_…_**

_Memories flooded through his mind as if his life was flashing back to his past. There, in the midst of the various memories, Tifa's face was the one that stood out the most. He could see his young eyes look into the same young eyes of Tifa at the tender age of 8, smiling that smile of hers that she would show to him. Even though they hadn't been that close due to numerous circumstances, she would always smile at him unconditionally, no matter the situation. This was one of the special memories he had in his childhood. _

**_…_**

_Tifa shook her head after scoffing out the questions and went to the cutting board to get back to her cooking she momentarily neglected, Cloud watching her with mild interest as she was cutting the vegetables delicately. The way her hands moved intrigued him. It took a few moments before Tifa turned to him. _

_…_

_"What is it Cloud?" Tifa asked with a smile, catching him staring at her while she was cutting the vegetables delicately on the cut board. Instead of seeing her in her usual black barmaid attire at the age of 22 in the 7__th__ Heaven of Edge, she was in the old 7__th__ Heaven in sector 7 of Midgar, wearing the familiar midriff, sleeveless white tanktop, black skirt with suspenders, and a pair of brown shoes at the age of 20, two years ago before the start of the epic adventure. The familiar scent and familiar look of 7__th__ Heaven's woody, rustic place came up to his mind._

_Tifa simply giggled at his speechlessness. "You must be feeling down…catching that flu. The rain does that to you, you know, if you're not wearing the proper clothes. Maybe this soup I'm making would help you out." Again, she smiled._

_She always knew what to do in almost all circumstances._

**_…_**

_Cloud darted up from his seat on top of the moggle slide the moment he saw her on that carriage. She looked at him, but quickly looked away, as if she was ignoring him. Cloud was about to call her when he stopped. Before the metal gate closed swiftly in front of her, he noted the sad look in her eyes._

**…**

_They were out in the fields, under the starry sky as the group decided to camp out here for the night. There, concerned that she separated herself from the group so suddenly, he found her alone, staring at the stars with that sad look in her eyes, one that would be forever etched in his mind. She looked angelic that time, as if she were a fallen angel wishing to go back to the heavens to live among the stars. _

**…**

_"A perfect couple…" Cait Sith finished reading the horoscope between Aerith and him. The mechanical cat said that prediction so loud, it felt like the world just heard that Aerith and him were perfect for each other. He noted everyone around them, looking at them in disbelief. Then, his eyes automatically landed on Tifa, expecting a reaction. But, he only saw her back. She was rocking on her heel and ball of foot with her hands clasped behind her. He was about to call her when she suddenly turned around, holding a smile he knew too well._

_"Let's go," she said. Tifa then went back to look at a particular spot on the wall. No hint of her crying was seen when she turned around. Whatever what was thrown at her, she never cried._

**_… _**

_As he held in his arms, he felt as if her own thoughts that were locked up in her heart for so long suddenly flooded like a turbulent river. It seemed as if Cloud was the only key to open that heart. _

**_…_**

**_"If only I told him how I feel…would it change anything? Would he return my feelings?"_**

**_…_**

_Tifa laughed as she tried her skills on the snowboard game. Cloud watched her face brighten and her eyes fired up in determination to beat his score. She smiled triumphantly when she did. "Beat that, Cloud!"_

_He always wanted her to keep smiling like that. He always wanted her to be happy. _

**_…_**

_That smile would forever be with Tifa as she lied there in his arms, her face peaceful. "Tifa…" Cloud said hopelessly, his voice choking. "Why?"_

**_…_**

**_"No matter what, I want him to be happy…"_**

**_…_**

_"Cloud…" Tifa turned to him as she pointed to the beautiful sunset on top of Cosmo Canyon. "Isn't it beautiful?"_

**_…_**

_"Cloud." Tifa held a stern look as she placed hands on her hips. He definitely did something that would make her look like that. _

**_…_**

_"Cloud!" she called, positioning herself behind his back as she grew into her fighting stance. He looked back at her and they both gave a knowing look before launching themselves out there and fighting off the monsters, helping each other's back. _

**_…_**

**_"Be happy…Cloud…"_**

**_…_**

_She was always beside him, no matter where they were. No matter who he was or what he do, she would stay by his side. Her warmth felt comfortable to him. He felt like he was home when she was beside him. Nothing mattered, just as long as she was with him. _

_His heart froze at that phrase as he felt that humble warmth fade away. Something within the bottom of Cloud's heart was unleashed so suddenly. Feelings from back then started to flutter in as if he were reenacting the day Zack Fair died in his arms. The feelings he had on that day returned to him in full force. Realization hit him the moment he felt her last breath in his arms with her eyes never to open in the living world ever again._

_Images of the future came into view. The events that will happen within the 2 years would be different. The world would be safe from meteor and from Sephiroth. The world will undergo peace. The planet would be saved. Aerith would be alive. Everyone would happy. It was something Tifa had fought to have. A world where there was no troubles, no fighting, no chaos. She would be happy knowing the planet was safe and that everyone could live in harmony. ShinRa would lose its domineering power. Sephiroth's presence in the Lifestream would still be there, along with the three remnants, and the events that happened during those two-three days would still happen. However, despite everything, the world would be peaceful; something she had been dreaming of the moment Sephiroth brought despair in their lives by changing their peaceful world on that fateful night in Nibelheim. This world would definitely be happy, but…_

_Somewhere in the world, he could his 23 year old self gazing on top of the cliff that overlooked the ruins of Midgar. He sat there alone, eyes glazed in sadness as he felt something that he never experienced before. Tifa's image forever remained ingrained in his mind and heart. He looked at his gloved hands and remembered the feel of her last breath._

**_…_**

_Cloud's stubborn tears finally came out as it dropped down onto Tifa's angelic face. Everything he did up to this point, what was he doing? Was everything he did was up to this point? He felt like something was missing then._

**_…_**

_In Edge, 7__th__ Heaven was made to serve as a memory of Tifa Lockhart. It was a place where people would enjoy the small luxuries in life by eating, drinking, and socializing with friends and family. But, the place he thought was warm and comforting felt empty and quiet. Aerith was there with him, managing the bar like Tifa would. She was in the kitchen, making up something for the little family. Marlene would be there, sitting on the chair, drawing her usually pictures of everyone, especially of one of Tifa, who she missed dearly. She waited patiently for her father to come visit. Denzel would be there as well, looking through the window, waiting for his arrival. The bar was decorated with fresh flowers that Aerith would make from the batch she gotten from her small church. She would look up from what she was doing and gave him a smile. "Okaeri," she would greet warmly. _

_But, it wasn't the same._

**_…_**

_"Okaeri!" a 20 year old Tifa smiled warmly as he came in after finishing another mission. _

**_…_**

_"Okaeri!" greeted a 22 year old Tifa, who was cleaning the bar with a rag, looked up expectantly at him, smiling brightly as she placed a glass of ice water and a plate of her freshly made nachos she made from a recipe she learned from one of Costa del Sol's residents. She always smiled that way and always greeted him warmly. _

**_…_**

_His friends gathered around them as they kneeled sadly, losing a special friend that worked so hard to keep them as friends. Cloud was holding her body against his, letting his head fall against the nook of her neck, letting the tears fall freely. He knew the feeling then. He felt utterly…_

_…Empty…_

**_…_**

**_"Cloud, I love you…"_**

**_…_**

_Cloud clinched his teeth and with one mighty breath, he yelled at the top of his lungs._

**_

* * *

_**

"Tifa!" Cloud yelled. The dream startled him and prompted his body out of his sleep, shooting himself onto a sitting position. Cloud was panting heavily as sweat poured down from his brow, a shocked look passed his features. The feelings from the dream felt so real to him. He questioned greatly if he was in reality. He couldn't seem to grasp what's real or not.

_"Cloud!"_

He was scared out of his wits right now. What will he see? Will he see a world where the only person he cared about was no longer there? He was shaking uncontrollably at the thought of her presence not by his side. Again, the feeling of emptiness threatened his mind. He wanted to scream out, wanting to yell his anguish for the world to know. He felt like yelling like he did when he lost Zack.

Cloud finds that his voice was too shaken up to yell like that. He could only bow his head in shame and look at the white sheets in front of him. "Tifa…" he whispered to himself.

Right in that moment of turmoil, a voice broke that moment. "Cloud…?"

Something warm grasped his shaking hand. This broke his troubled mind and he looked to the side. There, sitting up on her side of the bed was none other than Tifa. She was here with him, alive and well. Her eyes were wide in surprise as she gazed into his glowing eyes. It was then his tears slid down from his face after he realized his reality.

"What's wrong, Cloud?" she asked, noting the tears cascading his face.

He didn't know how to feel right then. Should he be happy or sad?

He looked away. "Did you just had a bad dream?" she asked another question. Slowly, he felt her warm hand against his forehead. Oddly, he was unusually hot. "Your fever still didn't break. I told you not to go out in that outfit in this kind of weather." His eyes were a bit blurry when he thought about it. He looked outside to see that it was raining outside, just like how it was a month ago. Just as he turned to look at Tifa, he felt a huge ache throbbing somewhere in the middle of his brain.

He shook his head. Right now, whatever happened to him or where he was didn't matter to him. Without a second thought, Cloud laid his head against Tifa's chest, letting the curve of his forehead lay against the nook of her neck. He wounded his arms around her waist as she sat there, holding onto Cloud as if he were a child. Tifa was holding him, one hand stroking the top of his head, messing his spiky, soft hair, and the other held onto his back. He could hear her gentle voice, taking away whatever pain he felt and batting away the horrible nightmare.

"You're such a child, Cloud," Tifa teased gently with a smile, placing her chin on top of Cloud's head.

He gave a gentle, groggy moan and nuzzled into her deeply, holding onto her desperately. He was worried if all this was just another concoction of his dream to give him false hope, then he would truly feel lost.

"Don't worry," Tifa whispered. "I'm here with you. I won't leave you. I promise…"

"Tifa…" he called again. Hearing her say that brought warmth into Cloud's body.

The two sat there like that in silence, letting the moment take them in. Cloud was completely at ease. He felt all his troubles were disappearing. His nightmares were now placed in the back of his mind. It felt like that whenever he's enclosed in Tifa's warmth. He felt like he could sleep forever in her arms.

"The nightmare must of really scared you, huh?" Tifa noted, causing Cloud to reorient himself back into the wakeful world.

**…**

_The look in her eyes as she stared at the stars that night. _

_The peaceful smile on her face when she passed on to the Lifestream._

_The warmth that left him all alone in the dark._

_Her last thoughts about him...  
_

**…**

This dream was triggered by one simple question. It had only been a month since she asked that question; a month since the anniversary of Aerith's death had passed. Maybe, that question was triggered because of that day. Maybe, Tifa was thinking hypothetically. What happens if Aerith were alive? Would they be like this in the present? Or would they take separate paths? Would Cloud go with Aerith and leave Tifa alone with no one to turn to? Tifa was definitely strong, but she hates being alone. All this time, Tifa assumed Cloud cared more about Aerith, maybe even loved. But, in reality, he was a clueless wonder. Despite what he shown, he was torn between two women. They both have their attributes. They have their flaws.

However, one fact remained.

"I've been thinking a lot," Cloud began, catching Tifa's attention. "I've been thinking about the question you asked that time…"

Tifa's eyes visibly widened in surprise after he told her his thoughts. He could see her eyes shifted away to face the window as guilt and sadness pervaded in them. He could see them shift slightly, somewhat nervous.

"O-oh," Tifa said timidly. "I didn't know…you were still thinking about it…"

"Tifa."

"I mean, it was just a question you know. A...question…" Her voice wavered a bit, noting the dazed look come into her eyes. Again, he could see the sadness seep into them.

"No," was what Cloud responded, catching Tifa off guard. That was all Cloud could say. He wanted to say that life wouldn't be better if she were not here. Wherever Tifa was, she was home. He wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. There was nothing to regret. But, he couldn't describe those in words too well.

That one word alone triggered Tifa's eyes to water. He knew, just by looking at her expression, meant a lot to her, more ways than one. She knew what he meant.

Cloud smiled. "I'm…glad you're alive…"

He could feel several drops of her tears as she leaned against his head, sobbing silently. "You. Big. Dummy," she laughed. "Always saying things at the wrong times. Especially when you're sick like this. Really, Cloud…"

Cloud smiled again. He knew what was going on in Tifa's mind. He knew what secrets, troubles, and emotions she had kept locked in her heart. He could read her like a book, even though he could not pinpoint what exactly those secrets, troubles, and emotions stem from. He would pinpoint it, but he was too sick to think.

There was one thing he wanted to do before closing this conversation for good. He had been hesitating for a while, but knowing Tifa very well and somehow found his epiphany from this very strange dream of his, there was one thought that Cloud was no longer afraid to say out loud. This was one thing he should not stay quiet about.

"Tifa…" Tifa looked at him once again. Before she could blink, he gave her a light kiss on her lips.

"I love you too."

* * *

**Author's Note: Yes, I know, Tifa will get sick after what Cloud did. You can all blame Cloud and his clueless mind, hehe. Well, here is another FFVII fic. Sorry for if there are some confusion in this story. Please inform me if you do. This is another fic that I found in my laptop, unfinished. I couldn't put this up early enough because I didn't know what to do with the ending. I'm finding a common occurrence for me when it comes to ending a fic. That's what makes stop and quit for a period of time before returning. After rereading this fic, tweak some changes, and thoughts on the ending, I came up with this. I wanted to do a fic with Cloud's thoughts about the what-if situation, or more correctly, Tifa-Aerith death scene switch-a-rue. I think there are not a lot of this in the FF VII genre on , so in a way, it's a different context…I hope. Along with this idea of Cloud's thought on this, common flu symptoms are also the influence of this story. Sometimes, people with common flu or influenza symptoms (they both have the same symptoms but influenza has worse symptoms) experience their mind creating these weird dreams. I can vouch for that because when I had influenza, I had several very strange dreams that I couldn't remember. I'm not sure why exactly, though. The brain is quite a mystery. I'll check up on that. Yes, I'm at it again with medical stuff, blame nursing school for that. But at least it's subtle in the story and not overly detailed. That will come later on in future fics if I feel like it, hehe. Another reason because I haven't had Cloud said I love you in any of my fics. At least I don't think so. I can't remember. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Tell me what you think. See you later! ^_^ **


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